Sunrise
by QueenOfTheYaoi
Summary: "You're leaving to get away from people, aren't you.  The people that are a part of your past."  Cloud's ghosts are haunting him, and he can't take it anymore.  Reminders are everywhere.  CloudReno friendship with a side of CloudVincent.


I twist the handle of my motorcycle. The engine roars and Fenrir sped forward faster on the deserted road. The wind makes my hair whip wildly, makes my face sting in icy dull pain, and I suddenly find myself very grateful for Cid's lecture on "Why Wearin' Goggles is Fuckin' Awesome" (his words, not mine, I swear). Although, it's not like I would have anything to crash into if I _wasn't_ wearing them, and _wasn't_ going as close to the speed of light as humanly possible.

Honestly, I have no idea where I'm going. All I know is that I had to get away. Away from there. From _them_.

I've been having dreams…no, scratch that, I've been having nightmares. The ghosts of my past, haunting me. Sephiroth. Kadaj, Yazoo, and Loz. Aerith. Zack. The memories are vivid in my mind. Sadness. Anger. Fury. Fear.

And pain. A lot of pain.

I swear I hear their voices in my head. Sephiroth's voice, deep calm and velvet, is taunting me. Reminding me that I once respected and cared for him, and insisting that I was destined to rule with him in the new world he creates. Kadaj, an eighteen year old Sephiroth, has nearly the same voice. Not as deep, clearly not belonging to a full grown adult, but just as calm and seductive. His voice is bipolar. Sometimes he will sound kind, calling me his "dear brother" and pleading with me to see things his way so he won't have to see me hurt anymore. Other times his voice is harsh with anger. He calls me a lowlife traitor, and tells me that I didn't deserve to survive Meteor or Bahamut SIN. I don't need to hear Yazoo or Loz. Kadaj speaks for all of the Remnants.

And then the other side of the coin. Aerith. Sweet, quiet Aerith. She reassures me. Tries to tell me that her death wasn't my fault. Tries to get me to move on. She tells me that she can still see me from the Lifestream, and that it makes her sad to see what I'm becoming. She'll joke about it, too. Call me a hermit chocobo. And I can't help but laugh at the new nickname. She's right, I know she is. I should move on. But I just can't. Zack is almost exactly the same. His voice effects me more than all the others combined. Even in death, my mentor hasn't changed. He'll tell me it wasn't my fault either, that the fault falls on him and his stubbornness. And the fact that he loved me and wouldn't let me die. He always says that he doesn't regret what he did. And more than anything, he'll tell me that the past is the past. He's dead and gone, and I'm not. He says in his kind voice that if I don't move on and get my act together, he'd personally come back from the Lifestream to haunt me until I did. He says people need me, and that I'm a hero, and that all heroes have checkered pasts. And he tells me to hurry up and get over mine so he can rest knowing that I'd be okay. Ah, Zack puppy. If only he knew how hard I have it now.

Sometimes their voices make me want to bang my head against the wall, but there's nothing I can do about them short of decapitating myself, and I'm pretty sure that would be frowned upon. Their voices serve as harsh reminders. Of the life I used to live. Of my sins. Of my past. But as much as the voices irk (yes, Yuffie taught me that word) me, they aren't the reason I left. I'm speeding out of Edge to get away from the parts of my present that remind me of my past.

Also known as my friends.

Yes, I know, I probably sound like a jerk right now. But I couldn't care less. I had to leave them. I couldn't stand seeing them anymore. Tifa. She reminds me of Nibelheim, back when we were younger. Back when I was scrawny and couldn't stand up for myself to save my life. Rufus, Tseng, Rude, Reno, and Elena. Again, yes, I know that they were our enemies for a long time. Blame Tifa and her forgiving nature for that one. They remind me of my days working for Shin-Ra. Every day, working my ass off to reach the top, just to impress the bastards that signed my paychecks. The things I did as a SOLDIER…years later, I can't believe I didn't see anything wrong with it back then. So many things could've been prevented if I wasn't so naïve. Barret, Vincent, Cid, and Yuffie. They remind me of AVALANCHE. That was a better part of my past, fighting alongside everyone to fix what I've wronged. But even after everything was said and done, I still felt terrible. And I found myself feeling guilty for all those innocent people killed because they somehow got caught in the crossfire. Like the plate dropping. So many lives were taken; we stopped keeping track of fatalities after we counted 237 corpses. All of my allies bring back memories of bloodshed and torment. Hence why I'm currently going Shiva knows how fast on a lifeless road leading to Gaia knows where.

Vincent was the only one to see me leave. I had left at two in the morning to assure I left without drawing attention, but of course, Vincent had to throw a wrench in things (because apparently Cid doesn't do enough of that).

"Where are you going, Cloud?" He had asked me. I had just sat on Fenrir. I hadn't noticed him at all. But there he was, leaning against the wall of the Seventh Heaven with his eyes closed, looking calm and collected as he always did. All I could do was stare at him.

"Would you believe me if I said I didn't know?" I had told him. The sadness that unintentionally laced my voice shocked even me. That's when Vincent opened his eyes. He walked over to Fenrir, to me, and before I knew it he had my keys. I just stared at him again. Our gazes locked, and I could see a hint of something that I had never seen before.

Concern.

"It doesn't make much sense to leave without a destination in mind, now does it?" He said, dangling my key chain in front of his own face, almost appearing to examine it. I didn't try to snatch them away.

"I just need to get away, Vincent." I explained simply. I hadn't realized I was clenching my teeth until he ran the index finger of his human hand along my jaw and told me to relax and listen to him.

"What are you trying to escape from?" He had questioned. I didn't know what to tell him. I changed the topic instead.

"Why were you out here?" Vincent had simply sighed quietly.

"Waiting."

"For?"

"You."

"Why?"

"I knew you would leave eventually. I simply waited for that night to come. To try and convince you to stay." He had explained. My mind immediately caught on the word "eventually". How many nights had Vincent been waiting for me exactly? I didn't bother asking.

"How did you know I would leave?" At this, the gunslinger had given me a humorless laugh.

"Birds of a feather, Cloud." He said. I didn't realize that he was comparing me to himself until long after I had left. So _that_ was why Vincent would disappear for days at a time. I had waited for him once. I caught him leaving, and tried whatever I could to get him to stay. _Don't worry about me, Cloud, _he had told me, _I just need to sort out my past. _And then I knew what to say.

"Don't worry about me, Vincent, I just need to sort out my past." I guess he figured out that I was repeating him. His eyes widened for just a moment.

"And…do you plan on returning?" I was shocked into silence by his tone of voice. It was…well, un-Vincent-ish. Any emotion at all was pretty un-Vincent-ish, actually. But his voice told me that he was worried. I give him a small, but genuine, smile. A little bit of light in the darkness.

"Birds of a feather, remember? They flock together." My heart (assuming I still had one at that point) twisted. I was lying, but I didn't want to worry Vincent. It was better if he thought I would return for them. Vincent nodded at me and gave back my keys.

"Indeed they do." Vincent looked conflicted after saying that. His arms kept twitching. It looked like he was contemplating whether or not to ruffle my hair. I had an odd impulse (and Shiva knows how awesome I am at resisting impulses) and before I could stop myself, I was pulling Vincent close to me by his exposed shirt and hugging him. Vincent didn't move. Frozen by shock, I guessed. He wasn't used to physical contact. So, needless to say, I was surprised when I felt his fingers move to the back of my head, keeping me nestled in his shoulder.

"Thank you." I tried my best to make myself sound strong, but instead it came out as a breathy whisper. I let Vincent go and turned on Fenrir, driving away before the gunslinger could say anything. My mako enhanced ears vaguely picked up Vincent's voice over the roar of my motorcycle's engine. I'll never know what he said for sure; I was too far away to hear him clearly.

"Come back to me, Cloud."

_Come back to me, Vincent. _That was what I had said to him that night. I could have sworn he was out of earshot. Apparently I was wrong. And for the first time in a long time, I felt like I was going to cry.

I have no idea what time it is now. I never was one for wearing a watch, and I left my phone in my room at Seventh Heaven. I look up to see a full moon floating perfectly in a dark sky. If I had to guess…maybe around five by now? It doesn't really matter, though. I won't have anything to do for a long time.

I find a temporary lapse in my mental ranting, and take that moment to look around. I gasp and stop Fenrir. Somehow, and without realizing it, I'm back in a familiar forest of glowing trees. And, even more, I'm at the exact spot I had battled with the Remnants. I dismount my motorcycle and look around. Something about the scenery makes my head throb and my heart skip a few beats. I look on the ground. Something shiny and silver catches my eye. I bend down and pick it up. Bullet shells.

I'm almost amazed, really. All I want is for my pain to end. For my past to disappear. But I know that won't happen. So am I wrong for trying to avoid the things that hurt me? I think not. But for some reason or another, I unconsciously seek these things out. I find myself going to Aerith's pool, or Zack's grave, or even the town square in Edge where Bahamut SIN was first summoned, without knowing. I guess my body has a mind of its' own. And that mind is telling me to stop running and face my past head on so I can begin to accept it. Heh, funny how my body's way of thinking bears a striking similarity to Zack's.

I throw the bullet back on the ground and sit under one of the leafless trees. I hold up my hands so I can look at them better. They're trembling. I wonder when that started. It's odd. I had never noticed that my hands shake when they're not gripping the hilt of a sword or punching someone in the face. I've spent most of my late teens and early adult life doing just that, after all. Fighting. I never took the time to be observant of myself. And yet by some strange feat, I'm still here, alive. I bury my face in my palms. I want to scream. Maybe if I scream loud enough, Vincent will come running. He had a way of knowing what was happening to me. I open my mouth, but all that comes out is a choked sob to accompany the tears I'm trying not to shed.

"Well well, how the mighty have fallen." Someone says from above me. I don't move. I know that voice, and I know its' owner isn't worth my time.

"Leave me alone." I mutter. It's muffled by my hands, but I know he hears me. He drops down in front of me from his perch on a tree branch in a flurry of black, white, and red.

"No can do, buddy. Sorry." I look at him from between my fingers and glare harshly at him.

"Why are you here?" I spat the words at him. I didn't mean to sound as harsh as I did, but hey, anything to get the message across. He holds his hands in front of him in mock surrender.

"Would ya believe I'm under orders, yo?" I shake my head.

"I know when you're lying." I said as calmly as I could. And a damn good job I was doing, because internally, I wanted to rip his red haired head right off of his body. He raised a brow at me.

"Oh yeah? How?" He asks. I glare at him again.

"Your lips move." I say seriously. He must think I'm joking. He laughs.

"Alright, I get it, ya don't trust me yet, yo. But that ain't how I am anymore, Cloud." I scoff at him.

"Once a liar, always a liar." He rolls his eyes and sighs.

"Whatever you say, man." I stand up and lock eyes with him. I try my best to look intimidating and serious, but I'm not sure how well I'm doing. Turks are damn near unreadable, after all. If I'm intimidating him, he isn't showing it. He steps closer to me. "Now why are _you_ here?" I sigh. Stubborn as hell, this one. I know he won't leave until I tell him what he wants to know. And I don't want to deal with him for very long (for his own safety).

"I needed to go out. Go somewhere I could think and be separate from it all." He sends me a paranoid look.

"So basically, you're running away."

"I'm _not_ running away!" I yell at him. Pfft, who am I kidding? That's exactly what I'm doing. Trying to run away from my past and everyone who was a part of it. I know he doesn't believe that, either. I calm down before speaking again. I look at the bullet shells on the ground. "You don't understand…" My voice comes out as a whisper, just as it had with Vincent. Something about this situation apparently makes me lose volume control. I don't want to look up at him. Everything is silent for several moments. I don't look up until I feel him caressing my cheek. Suddenly he's inches away from me. If he leaned forward just a little bit, he could kiss me. I hope he doesn't; I don't feel like digging a grave, or explaining the situation to Rude. But alas, he does lean closer to me, and I close my eyes out of instinct.

Big shock when I feel a fist across my face.

My eyes shoot open again, but I don't move. The furious look on his face shocks me silent. He grabs the neckline of my shirt and pins me against the tree.

"I don't understand, huh? Let me tell you something, Cloud, I understand plenty." I'm standing there, still in shock. He _never_ speaks without using slang. Even the accent he'd picked up from his childhood as a street rat was nearly gone. "Tell me if I get close: You're running away from your past. You're leaving everything behind to try and get away from your sins. You're abandoning your life because you feel you don't deserve to have one after what you've done. Is that it in a nutshell?" I don't say anything. "Answer me, dammit."

"I…It's…" I want to tell him he's right, but I can't make the words come out right. He pushes me against the tree a little harder. Huh. He's pretty strong for a skinny guy.

"And you have the nerve to tell me I don't understand? You're fucking stupid, you know that, Strife?" For a bastard, he's pretty good at taking shots in the dark. He's right. I guess I am stupid. "Who dropped the plate in Midgar? Who's been murdering people for a living since he was sixteen? Who killed his own sister to get into the Turks? Sure as hell wasn't you!" His tone makes me flinch. He's always so laid back…I never really thought about him having inner demons. But why wouldn't he? He _did_ drop the plate, even if it was an order. He _has_ been killing since he was sixteen, even if it was to get paid. And he _did_ kill his sister, even if it was part of his initiation into the Turks.

"Y-you…did…" I finally manage to stutter out. He doesn't acknowledge my response.

"_Everybody_ has something in their past that they wish they hadn't done. Or in our case, several things." He lets me go and turns away from me. "But let me guess. That isn't why you're leaving, is it." He doesn't ask it, he states it. His back is still turned to me, but I nod anyway. He turns back to me, eyes still flaring angrily. "You're leaving to get away from people, aren't you. The people that are a part of your past." Again, he says it as a statement as opposed to a question. I nod again. I don't trust my voice anymore at this point. He's close to me again, and for a minute I think he'll punch me again. The punch never comes. Just his angered voice and cold glare. "What the fuck is wrong with you?"

"I…I don't know…" I answer. And Shiva behold, I can't make it sound the way I want it to. He hears it anyway.

"I know better than anyone what it feels like to be haunted by the ghosts of your past, and I know it isn't a good feeling, but running from it sure as hell isn't the way to deal with it! And then avoiding your friends? Let me ask you something, _hero_." He spat out the last word. My heart twists painfully in my chest.

"W-what?"

"Do you have any idea how often Tifa calls me and asks me if I know where you are, sounding like she's worried out of her fucking mind? Do you know how often Barret has to stop Cid from finding you himself? Do you see how Marlene and Denzel are sad whenever they find out you're leaving? Do you realize how often Vincent would wait for you to return, just so he'd know you're safe and sound? Can you even _comprehend_ how much your friends love you?" I just blink at him. How would he know all of this? Did he worry about me, too?

"I…don't want them to worry."

"You don't? Heh, you have a weird way of showing it." He pins me against the tree again. I can't bring myself to fight him off. "I'm telling you right now, you're lucky as hell to have them, and you're taking them for granted. How much you want to bet they've all noticed your little disappearing act and are flipping the hell out over it?" I looked at the sky. I hadn't noticed it, but the sun was starting to come up. Cid and Tifa always wake up at dawn. "When are you going to figure out that there's no reason for you to leave? If you want your past to go away, you can just go on and keep running. But there will _always_ be someone to bring you back. And one of these days you'll realize that the best way to forget your past is to accept it. Accept it and improve the present so there won't be any repeat performances in the future." With that, he lets me go. My legs can't even support my weight anymore. I slump down to my knees. Out of the corner of my eye, I see him get on a motorcycle I hadn't noticed was there. He looks like he's about to leave, but there's something I have to know first.

"How do you-"

"How do I know?" He cuts me off. He turns and flashes me one of his signature smirks over his shoulder. "I told ya, Spiky, you ain't the only one with a checkered past." He turns on the motorcycle without another word and rides away in the direction I was heading. My eyes follow him until a bend in the forest path blocks him from my view. I sigh and look to the sky. The sun is peeking over the horizon, casting brilliant shades of red and orange, scaring away the blues and purples of night. I shakily get to my feet and brush the dirt off of my pants before mounting Fenrir and heading back to Edge. It's odd, really. How you can be so oblivious to the things that take place right under your nose. To the feelings you bring forth from the people around you. And to the feelings those people bring forth in you. Everyone learns in different ways, I suppose. But a second opinion taught me everything I was too dense to see. Reno is right (never thought I'd hear myself say _that_). I need to change. For the first time, all the voices in my head, even that of Kadaj and Sephiroth, are agreeing with me. I need to change my ways. Accept my past. Help the present to change the future. I'm of no use the way I am now. _I need to change._

I look up at the awakening sun, casting its' lovely morning colors across Gaia.

"Today will be my sunrise." I say to myself. I can't help but grin at the confidence that laced my words.


End file.
